Hate Mail
About US

By Roheryn:

  Now Figwit the elf was an archer;
His talents caused others' departures.
His bow was well strung;
He had a long tongue;
His arrows, the envy of marchers.

When at Rivendell Figwit arrived
The others felt rather deprived:
His silky dark tresses
And gorgeous new dresses
The envy of Strider's new bride.

Though Figwit was scared of romance,
He demurely asked Arwen to dance.
But when she came near,
He twiddled his ears,
And befuddled, he took off his pants.

Inflatable Feathers the elf
Encountered our DUH by herself.
He gave her a squeeze,
That elf! What a tease!
He couldn't shoot arrows himself.

There once was an elf dressed in leathers
So gorgeous he angered the others.
"This elf rules supreme!"
DUH said with a scream,
"His real name's not Figwit but Feathers!"

There once was an elf, very moody,
Who claimed he wouldn't, but would he?
When put to the test,
He was found in a dress.
The question's not woody but could he?

Said Elrond, "I need to confess this!
Glorfindel, I'll give you three guesses
To guess who I found
Entwined on the ground -
Leggilooloo and Figwit in dresses!"

Though Figwit the elf never spoke
His silence great passions evoked.
Stupendous and broody
Hypnotic and moody
His beauty leaves some of us soaked.


By MarkJ:

  InDUHvidual's inflatible elves,
Do the work of a husband themselves,
Such a banging you'll hear,
If you venture near,
For the Figwits are putting up shelves.

DUH was working in the lab late one night,
when lightning struck her conductive kite,
"Figwit lives!" inDUH cried,
and 'neath the sheet by her side,
was, no, not a man! - a website.

Figwit's not much of a talker,
But Arwenelf thinks he's a corker,
She's made up a plan,
To get close to her man:-
She's the world's first OAP stalker.


By Eloqin:

  There once was an elf named Figwit,
That no ringer could say was legit,
He said not a word,
But all agreed he occurred,
Even though he had seemed counterfeit.

Who is that? The Ringers asked as they took
A look in the very best book
It gave them a scare
To realize hes not there
And they said "Thats gobbledygook!"

There once was an surplus elf,
Never heard of on any bookshelf,
No fan could find out,
What he was about,
But said, we wont trouble ourself.

Though Figwit did not like to act
He agreed that it was a fact
He was so cool
He made all fangirls drool
No matter his scene was compact.

Some say that his name should be Feathers
Others think hed look good in leathers
Me, I cant say
Some say that hes gay,
And others think no one is better(s)


By Shadowfaxrules:

  Figwit our elf has dark hair
at the council of Elrond hes there.
Pluck you! he screams,
but hes made of our dreams,
blonde Legolas can beware.

The mysterious Figwit is cute,
And I bet that he knows how to shoot.
Hes gorgeous and brave,
And handsome and grave,
And he probably likes the Entmoot


By Altaira:

  Our brave Figwit entered the fray
With Frodo I'll go he would say
But an elf with a bow
Beat him to it you know
Figwit had laryngitis that day

By crackshot archer elf:

  I shoot arrows off faster then any of the nine,
but in spite of it all my hair looks fine.
Figwit objects,
you just brush it off set!
Legolooloo pouts and just says: At least i've got lines!

By Sithrindel:

  There once was a lady named DUH
Who while watching the movie said "Huh!?!?"
Who's that guy with the pout?
No, not Aragorn, he's out
But that Figwit he just makes me shivuh

By Orc in Ale:

  There lives fit Figwit the elf,
Who has a whole site to himself.
Devoted to Bret,
And his gorgeously pouty elf.

By Newmoon:

  There once was a hott Elf named Figwit
Who actually had quite a big wit
He would talk of his hair,
People would stop and stare,
But that fact was, this Elf wore a wig-wit!
Back Home Up Next